We Turned Two!!

Can you Believe it?!

Where do I even begin?  The last two years have been the proverbial roller coaster.  Our family, both biological and choice, have stood by us and endured just as much as we have - you watched Adam and I celebrate Madison's life and say good bye.  You were cautiously optimistic as we announced we were carrying triplets and despite your own questions, you supported us.  You held your breath as the girls (well Cecilia really) decided they were ready to enter the world a whopping 3.5 months early.  And you prayed while Cecilia, Isabelle and Zoe all fought for life.  Thank you.

July 1, 2014 - One Year of Age
Zoe Elizabeth, Isabelle Grace, Cecilia Hope

We are blessed to have three amazing two year olds (corrected only to 20.5 months).  The girls have overcome more obstacles than most grey haireds face in an entire lifetime.  They were fighting to survive before they entered this world.  And I can say without any hesitation, it has all been completely worth it.  

All the sleepless nights, agonizing terror and heartache, moments where we didn't know if we would find our own breath as they struggled for theirs ... 

July 1, 2015 - Two Years of Age
Zoe Elizabeth, Isabelle Grace, Cecilia Hope

Cecilia Hope

She LOVES to play!

Fast forward and the girls are quite simply, for lack of a better word, amazing.  Cecilia has overcome the most by far, but you would never know it.  She's the happiest little person.  Constantly with a smile, babbling away and showering you with love and hope and belief.  There is no reason why Cecilia defied medical science or why she fought so hard to prove everyone wrong - but she did - over and over and over again.  She is my hero.  

What?  Who me?
Isabelle Grace

Isabelle is still my favorite monster.  She has the absolute best personality and will crack you up with her faces.  She's also too smart for her own good and has discovered she can open doors and escape if she wants.  We've recently started timeouts and she will go, head down, and stand in corner waiting for you to tell her she's been a good girl again.  Once that happens, she will run to you and give you the biggest hug she's capable of - enough to absolutely melt your heart.

Such a character!!
Zoe Elizabeth

And then there's Zoe - trust me, Zoe will not let anyone forget her.  She's a true character.  Hugs and kisses, climbing and playing, feeding you hamburgers with grape jelly - she's definitely her own person.  The most amazing thing is to see her want to help Cecilia walk and keep up with her and Isabelle.  Zoe will come over and take Cecilia's other hand and attempt to help her walk, though we have to remind Zoe often that we need to go a tad bit slower.

We go next week for the girls' two year check ups with Dr. Haigh and at that point I will post their updated stats but for now they are doing amazing.  Cecilia is starting to wear 12 month clothing and pajamas, which she loves, while Zoe and Isabelle are comfortable fitting into 18 month items.  I think it is safe to say we got a lot of wear out of our early infant clothing!!  

The girls also completed their Bailey's Developmental Screenings and did a fabulous job.  Zoe and Isabelle rocked the gross motor items while Cecilia was testing at almost 39 months for some of the cognitive portions.  We still need to work on vocalizing (animal sounds for example) but the girls are doing so much better than anyone outside of our family believed possible.  

Unfortunately not everything is perfect.  Cecilia will undergo surgery later this month with the fabulous Dr. Ishitani.  In late spring Cecilia decided she was sick of her G-Tube and pulled it out, unbeknownst to me until it was too late to put it back in (you really only have a 10-15 minute window to reinsert a pulled tube).  After discussion with doctors (some of whom believed we were unrealistically optimistic), it was agreed Cecilia could attempt life without her G-tube.  

Once again, Cecilia is proving people wrong and has gained over 700 grams in less than two months since the tube was removed.  At her last weight check Cecilia topped the scales at 17 pounds!!  This is a new record for her - fingers crossed she continues to gain and next week I can tell you she's up even further!!

Unfortunately, however, Cecilia's in the small percentage of patients who G-tube site closes and then ruptures/reopens.  Currently Cecilia's tract is open and as a result she will require surgery.  Dr. Istitani will detach Cecilia's stomach from her abdomen wall, attempt to beautify one of her scars, and surgically close the tract.  Cecilia will be required to be inpatient, as we all know Cecilia does things on her own timetable and in her own way.  

Zoe also is being considered for surgery on her eyes.  We will have an examination with Dr. Brodsky in Rochester to evaluate Zoe for surgery to help strengthen her eyes and confirm her retinas are still looking fabulous.  More than likely, they will also bring in a pediatric glaucoma specialist as well to ensure Zoe's two types of glaucoma are behaving themselves.  

We have such brave amazing girls - Adam and I are incredibly blessed.  We will celebrate the girls at their first party on July 11!  Watch for pictures to come!

We love you!

Adam, Daneille

Madison, Cecilia, Isabelle

Zoe & GUS  

SAVE THE DATE!!

We're Having a BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!

Someone's excited!!

The girls turn two this year and to celebrate this momentous occasion we are having their very first birthday party.

Here are the current details:

Date:                Saturday, July 11, 2015

Location:       Our House (yes we may be crazy)

Time:               TBD

Hotel:           I'm still working on setting up a block of rooms.

Wish us luck and we hope to see you there!!

22 Months Old ~ Corrected to 18.5 Months

Our Crazy Wonderful Life

Have you ever stopped to wonder what your life would be like if you had made different choices?  If the blessings in your life had never come?  If everything good and bad had never happened to you?  

I have.  In fact, I do this quite often - and the answer is always the same.  I wouldn't trade it - I wouldn't trade a moment.  Adam and I joke we would have a lot more money and free time but we wouldn't have happiness.  Our girls are truly the best pieces of us put together to make this world a better place.  Madison, Cecilia, Isabelle and Zoe have made our world better.  We are truly blessed.

Today the girls turn 22 months!!  It is incredible to think back to where we were 22 months ago, or even two years ago when I was waddling around, big as a house (or three houses), praying the girls would stay inside and bake until term - little did I know what I wanted did not really matter.  Life tends to just happen despite everything we do to control it, life just happens.  

Our 22 month old wonders, have their own timeline, their own rule book, and their own ideas about how life goes - we are all simply passengers on their ride.  

Cecilia Hope - I'm an innocent angel

I'm trying to walk!

Cecilia, the little trouble maker, continues to challenge doctor norms and does things as she sees fit.  She is struggling to stand and walk on her own, but hopefully with some determination and the nice weather she will be able to get the hang of it.  Until then, she will just have to walk with the assistance of a push toy or by cruising the furniture.  

Isabelle Grace - Can you hear me?

Pretty Izze

Isabelle has started to help me around the house and loves to "clean up" with a washcloth - don't get me wrong, she's still my monster baby, but now she wants to help with the messes.  She is generous and ridiculous smart.  Her vocabulary is starting to grow and she has finally decided to vocalize her words and thoughts.  We love listening to her.

Zoe Elizabeth ~ Let's Climb!!

I like socks!

Zoe is now battling Cecilia for the most demanding of the bunch.  Her new favorite thing is to yell - no reason really, just yelling to herself yell.  She is also living up to her name of monkey, climbing EVERYTHING in sight!  If there is something to climb, she is up and conquering.  It is quite entertaining to watch.

All of the girls LOVE to eat and have recently demanded a pre-breakfast meal of Cheetos (Little Cruchies) in the morning.  They will split a can between them before heading down to eat their real breakfast of french toast, pancakes, breakfast meats, and fruit.  They can certainly pack away the food.  Fingers crossed Cecilia can start to pack on the pounds with her appetite!!

Our little bunnies
Isabelle, Zoe, & Cecilia

We love you all and wish nothing but wonderful moments on you - bad things will happen, you can't avoid them, but you can control how you respond and turn those moments in growing opportunities.  Without sadness we could never truly appreciate the love and support around us.  Thank you.

Two Years...

Everything and Nothing.

I want to write that so much has changed, I want to write that nothing has changed, but the truth is both are true.  How can so much change and yet everything still hurt just as much?  I suppose that is just what happens when a piece of you dies, when a portion of your heart leaves your body, when you lose...

Bereavement - how one responds and adjusts to the death of a loved one - is a very personal, individual matter.  There is no right way or wrong way to respond, it is personal.  No one can tell you how you should do it, though they will try.  There is no magic formula of grief that makes it easier.  

People will unfortunately judge you for how you respond.  They judge you because they are afraid, they are jealous, they feel guilty...People will judge you.  The hardest hits come from those who you expect more from, from those you thought would be there no matter what, from those who you love.  Try not to take these moments personally.  

Yes you lost someone you love, yes you lost someone you created - but they lost you.  They lost the person you were before.  No matter what I say, I am different now.  How could I not be?  

Maybe I am a sadder version of me, but that's ok.  

Life is hard.  There are things that are not fair.  However, we must move forward.  Do I hold my girls a little tighter at night?  Yes.  Do I look at the other children in my life and say prayers for them?  Yes.  However, I do not hold them against their parents - I love them.  I would never wish this heartache, this emptiness on another.  What I do wish, is to watch them grow, play and love - to see all the hope we had lost play out before our eyes in them.  They give me hope.

Maybe I am a selfish person, but that's ok.  

We have already lost everything that made us breath.  Madison was a perfectly innocent baby and God decided to take her home before Adam and I were ready.  I didn't think we took our pregnancy with Madison for granted - remember I was afraid something would go wrong so I was afraid to share it - and maybe that is where we went wrong.  I was afraid to share her and then she wasn't here to share.  All we have is her memory and her love.  So, now, knowing that life is entirely too short, Adam and I try to make sure we give Cecilia, Isabelle and Zoe, all the love in the world.  That they have a village.  That we share them - yes we are very private people, but those in our circle, are in our children's world.  

Maybe I am a happier version of me, and that is ok too.  

Yes this seems like a contradiction.  But maybe I am happier because I already know failure.  Michael Jordan used to say something to the fact of "I've failed over and over and over again.  But I kept trying, which is way I have succeeded."  I may have failed Madison in that the fact that she did not survive to meet everyone, but I will never fail her memory.  She taught to me to appreciate life, to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves and to love without boundaries.  I cannot live my life in fear of the unknown.  Bad things happen.  However, good things happen too.  Miracles happen.  

Cecilia, Isabelle and Zoe happened.  Their love, their courage, their hope - they make me happy.

Cecilia, Zoe & Isabelle
Lil Kromers

Look Mom - Madison came to play with us!

I am me, for better or worse I am me.  I am a mother who lost a child.  I am a mother to micro-preemie triplets who all almost died - multiple times.  I am a mother to triplets who are constantly fighting to prove themselves in a world where most had given up on them before they were born.  I am a mother.

I am also a friend, a wife, a daughter, a sister - I am me.  

Yes, life has changed me.  Madison changed me and I will forever be grateful for the love she taught me.  I see Madison in every rainbow.  I see her in the girls as they grow and explore.  I see her in the love Adam shows them.

Madison's due date was yesterday - February 18 - she should have been turning 2...

Happy Valentine's Day!

Love from us to you

Happy Valentine's Day 2015
Zoe, Cecilia & Isabelle