Our First Christmas Home

Merry Christmas 2014

How was your Christmas?  We hope it was filled with laughter, happiness, joy, hope and love.  How was ours?  All of that and more.  

As Christmas approached both Adam and I were excited and holding our breath - Would we make it through this holiday without a trip to the hospital?  Would our girls actually be home for Christmas?  Would we really get to celebrate together?  

Many will not understand all the thoughts and fears that flow through our heads - and honestly, this is okay.  We truly do not want you to understand because if you understood that means you would have suffered through some of the same hardships we have and we do not wish that on anyone.  

Adam and I have been through so much in the past three years that I still tear up when I think about it.  Two years ago, Christmas came and went - I do not believe we actually celebrated the holiday, rather we simply went through the motions.  Two years ago, we lost Madison.  

Somehow Adam and I decided to put a tree, though we did not decorate it.  It held a lone ornament, a tribute to Madison.  I sat and looked at that tree for hours, simply staring at it, wondering what might have been.  I was still supposed to be pregnant, Madison should have been growing inside of me still, instead I was empty.  It was a very rough year.  

Brave Miss Cecilia ~ Christmas 2013
Wearing newborn/preemie clothing

Last year, we were not alone.  Our little miracles were here.  But instead of them being 8-10 weeks old, they were almost 6 months old!!  They had already been here, fighting to survive, showing us everyday what it meant to be brave.  

Zoe & Isabelle borrowing Cecilia's NICU Crib
Girls were wearing 3 month clothing

Zoe and Isabelle had been discharged from the hospital.  Adam and I had held onto all hope that Cecilia would be home for Christmas 2013 - unfortunately it was not to be.  In fact, Cecilia underwent surgery Christmas week to place her line for her TPN.  Steps backward in order to move forward.

Last year, we awoke Christmas morning, packed up Zoe and Isabelle, and trekked the 2 plus hour drive to Rochester to spend Christmas in the NICU with Cecilia.  We celebrated as much as you could celebrate being in the NICU - and at the end of the day, we were together, however we were in a hospital.  It seems most our memories revolve around the hospital.

So this year, as Christmas drew near, we did our best to stay positive.  Do not get me wrong, we loved our nurses and doctors in the NICU, but we really had no intentions of going back to spend yet another holiday there.  The girls did their part and we all were able to be together, at home.

We woke up Christmas morning and said an extra thank you for allowing us all to be together, to be together in our own home.  This might seem like nothing to most of you, but it is all we dreamed about - being home, being together.

The girls were delighted with new presents - toys, chairs, clothes and love.  We cannot thank everyone enough for the time, care, thought and love you put into your gifts to the girls.  Thank you.

Cecilia Hope

Isabelle Grace

Zoe Elizabeth

We hope everyone was able to feel as much love as we did on Christmas and that your little ones, no matter how old they may have grown, allowed you to relive the magic that is Christmas.

All our Love,

Adam, Daneille

Madison, Cecilia, Isabelle

Zoe & Gus

Family Christmas 2014
Adam & Daneille
Cecilia, Zoe & Isabelle
(Cecilia is now wearing 9 month jammies
Zoe & Iz are wearing 12 month jammies)

Happy Thanksgiving

We have so much to be thankful for ...

The month of November seemed like smooth sailing for us, which should have been our first sign of trouble.  The girls started the month receiving their flu shots and first of five RSV Prevention Shots - Needless to say this did not make them happy.  The girls bounced back well and were ready to take on the world.

Then right before Thanksgiving, as Adam and I were lamenting about Thanksgiving 2013, the girls got sick.  Disclaimer for those with weak stomachs, this is not pretty!!  It started off with Isabelle getting diarrhea on Friday, November 21, and of course it didn't get bad until the end of the business day.  We called the friendly after hours nurse only to be told that Miss Iz was one diaper short of requiring an emergency room visit - she only had 7 episodes of diarrhea in a four hour period, not 8.


On Saturday, everyone seemed to be feeling great.  That is until a little before 10 p.m. when I heard Miss Zoe cry.  The cry sounded different so I went to check on her and as I approached her crib, our little Miss Zoe blew chucks!  That's right folks, Zoe had her first experience with actual vomit.

To make matters worse, Cecilia decided to join in on the fun.  Cecilia thankfully I was able to get over the bathroom sink and Adam grabbed Zoe to put over the tub for her last bout - but clean up was not fun!

Three mattress protectors later, new jammies for both Zoe and Cecilia, and I had all three girls on bobby pillows in our bedroom for a late night camp out.   Gus was not thrilled as I locked him out the bedroom as I did not want him to shake and wake up the babies who needed their sleep.

Zoe asleep on top
Cecilia in leopard, Isabelle in pink

To add insult to injury, poor Adam joined the puke troop at about 5 a.m. Sunday morning.  Unfortunately for me, Adam was unable to rally and needed to stay down for the entire day in order to feel better.  This was best though as the girls were having it from both ends all day Sunday and I did not want to clean up any potential mess from Adam - let's face it parent puke is a bigger mess than baby puke.

Cecilia does not feel well

I canceled Cecilia's therapy session for Monday, not wanting to spread this illness to any other families.  Monday arrived and the girls all seemed to be feeling better.  Cecilia even ate 6 ounces of a bottle that morning.

Unfortunately, about an hour later she puked it all up and needed a diaper change.  As I was changing her I realized she was starting to get listless and feeling very warm.  A temp check showed she had spiked a fever within the hour to 103 degrees.  A quick call to the doctor and we were on our way in to have someone look at her.

Zoe & Momma waiting for Zoe's admission paperwork

Cecilia was almost immediately hooked up to an IV for bolus fluids and monitoring.  An hour later she still was not doing any better and we were told she had earned herself a stay at Hotel Mayo - Eau Claire.  Blood work was drawn showing her sodium levels and bun numbers were high causing the doctors even more concern.

Upon admission, we checked on Zoe and Isabelle, who were at home with Nanny Erika only to find out that Zoe was refusing all food and drink - her last intake was at 8 a.m. when I gave her a bottle.  Adam rushed home to check on her only to call me and say she didn't look good.

Another call to the doctor, and twenty minutes later Zoe was being seen.  Thankfully Nanny Nicole could come over to the hospital to sit with Cecilia so I could meet Adam in the clinic with Zoe.  Within 10 minutes we were told she also would be staying at Hotel Mayo - Eau Claire.  BOO!

Zoe and Cecilia playing together in the hospital
Yes we brought a pack and play!!

We were all finally settled into our hospital room at about 6:30 p.m.  Zoe was hooked up to an IV at about 10 p.m. Needless to say it was a long day followed by a long night.

Iz misses her sisters

Nannies Savanah and Courtney each pulled long night shifts on Monday and Tuesday respectively to help us with Isabelle, who had not earned an admission to the hospital.  Nanny Nicole provided me with wonderful blankets and a sweatshirt to survive the hospital, while Nanny Ashley stopped by with coffee.  Nanny Erika brought a second dose of caffeine and dinner for Adam and I on Tuesday.

Finally on Wednesday, after 48 hours of IV fluids, both Zoe and Cecilia finally started feeling better and their blood work had normalized.  Both girls were able to be discharged on Wednesday and we went home at about 7 p.m.

Zoe's feeling better

Just in time to celebrate Thanksgiving at home as a family!

Last year, Adam and I spent Thanksgiving in the NICU with Cecilia - This year, despite being sick and going to bed earlier, we happily celebrated Thanksgiving at our home with our daughters.

We have so much to be thankful for ~ four beautiful daughters, a wonderful puppy, amazing friends and family, and each other.  We could not have made it through this past year without the love and support of all of you - family, friends we have known for years and new friends who have all become family and each other.

Thank you.

Birthday Presents from Daddy!

Happy Corrected First Birthday Ladies!

Adam simply could not resist himself when he found out his favorite hat (Stormy Kromer) made mini hats for babies ~ Lil Kromers!!  The girls seemed to enjoy them - Ok, everyone but Isabelle seemed to enjoy : )

Cecilia - I love my Daddy!

Perfect Hunting Profile

Zoe - I cannot wait to go hunting with Daddy!

Iz "Ba ba Momma - Ba Ba!!"
Isabelle was preoccupied with getting her
bedtime bottle  : )

Iz standing still not happy to not have her bottle!!
Zoe just chilling, enjoying the drama caused by Isabelle  : )

Happy First Corrected Birthday Ladies!!

We're Supposed to be Turning ONE Today

That's right - today is the girls' corrected first birthday.  This means the girls should be turning one, instead they are 15.5 months old.  

It is a strange day for me as a parent.  I am having a difficult time putting into words how I feel because everything I feel contradicts itself.  I am proud yet disappointed.  I feel blessed yet robbed.  I wish things were different yet I don't want to give up the moments we've had together.  It is bittersweet.

Our family has gone through so much together and apart that it is hard to believe where we have been to where we are now.  A year ago we were still in the NICU - Zoe and I had just returned from Michigan, Isabelle was being a monster (ok not much as changed there) and Cecilia was struggling to survive. 

Cecilia (in pink), Isabelle (in purple),
and Zoe (in leopard) 

Today, well so much is different.  This morning Adam and I walked into the nursery to find Cecilia smiling in her crib playing with her toys then scrambling to pull herself up to stand to say hello to us.  Zoe was laying on the changing table pad, which she had pulled into crib, and trying to hide it from us.  And Isabelle was pretending to sleep and then giving us a mischievous smile as she joined her sisters' voices to say good morning.  

We have come so far and yet have so much further to go.   But today we walk hand in hand, heart in heart, together.  

So Happy Birthday Girls ~ Today we celebrate you.  

We love you.

October 15, 2014

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

A day meant to remember.  Yet those of us who have been touched by this will never forget.  We have been robbed of life's most precious gift.  We have lost our breath, our world, our meaning - In some cases we have lost our hope.  We have lost a child.

When we became pregnant with Madison, I was scared.  I knew bad things could happen and I was scared.  As it turns out, I had a right to be scared - however our loss did not justify my fears.  If nothing else, my fear of sharing my pregnancy and later having to explain a loss is nothing compared to having to explain to people that we were pregnant before the girls and suffered a loss.  

Some people think we should just "be over it" or "move on" or simply never discuss it because they do not get it.  And truthfully, unless a person has been touched by this tragedy, they do not understand that there is simply no getting over it or moving on.  We lost a piece of ourselves.  We have lost a child.

Many do not understand.  It is a sisterhood that no one intends to join, a sisterhood that does not willingly extend invitations to join.  It is a sisterhood that exists sometimes in hushed voices, as if talking about it the loss may increase the membership.  Yet talking about it helps, it helps remove the stigma and self-guilt felt.  

Madison was quite possibly the most perfect being Adam and I could create - She taught us so much about ourselves, about strength and about love.  Everyday we miss Madison but we know she is always with us - in the wind that ruffles the leaves or our hair, in the sunshine that warms our faces, and in each rainbow we see.  

There is no forgetting ~ We always remember...

Where Has the Time Gone?

Finally . . . 

Adam and I apologize to everyone who has been "patiently" awaiting a new post - Our lives have been incredibly busy finally having our family home together.  

Cecilia has officially been home for 3.5 months and life couldn't be better!  Everyone loves playing together and talking and laughing.  The girls are hilarious together - constantly teaching one another new skills and going on adventures together.  

15 Months Old, 11.5 Months Corrected

On October 1, 2014, the girls turned 15 months, adjusted to 11.5 months.  It is hard to believe that the reality is they still shouldn't even be one!!  So much has happened these past 15 months!  

On Thursday, October 2, 2014, the girls had their 15 month wellness check up with Dr. Haigh in Eau Claire.  Thank you Nanny Erika for helping at the appointment!!

Cecilia Hope

Cecilia enjoying an afternoon outside!

Miss Cecilia still has her G-Tube but she is working really hard on taking more food by mouth.  Unfortunately she still needs to take the "stinky" formula - she doesn't remember ever having anything else so at least we do not have that battle to fight.  However, lately she has been eyeing up her sisters' bottles!!

The G-Tube still gives us trouble and we end up having to change it on average once a month, but we are learning.  Cecilia also has had some trouble with granulation tissue, which requires a cauterization therapy with silver nitrate to heal.  This is painful for Cecilia but she just sticks out her bottom lip, cries for a bit and then holds on tight to Adam or I afterwards.  She is one tough baby!!

"I can now sit up all by myself!!"
Cecilia proudly exclaims.

For those of you who haven't seen us, Cecilia was able to come off of her required oxygen in July and follow up echos on her heart in August showed she could stay off of it!!  As Cecilia grows and gets bigger, her pulmonary hypertension naturally resolves itself.  This was a huge victory for everyone!!  Without the oxygen Cecilia was free from tubes (with the exception of her G-Tube) and free to finally start exploring her surroundings.  

Cecilia works with an Occupational Therapist every week and with a Physical Therapist every other week.  They have provided us with additional resources to help Cecilia.  But truthfully, Cecilia has been helping herself.  She is simply amazing.  

When Cecilia came home she was like a sack of flour - unable to move, hold herself up, or provide any substantial support with anything.  Now, Cecilia is a completely different baby.  

Cecilia can now not only sit up completely unassisted, but she can put herself into a sitting position.  Cecilia has also started crawling and loves to explore.  Her favorite thing is to go from one side of the room to another attacking Isabelle or Daddy as she goes.  It is fabulous to see!!  Cecilia has also started to pull herself up on larger items and is trying to climb.  We are so proud of her!

I crawled into the basket and decided to play!

So cute!

15 MONTH STATS:

Weight = 15 pounds, 3 ounces

Height = 26 inches

Head Circumference = 41.8 cm

Clothing/Pajamas = 6 months - Wahoo!!

Diapers = Pampers swaddlers size 3 with the occasional size 4 overnight

Animal = Elephant (Ele)

Color = Pink

Such a big little peanut!

"Why have a box if you can't
play in the box?"

Isabelle Grace

Oh Iz!!  Talk about a girl after my own heart - If there is a hard way and easy way, Isabelle will choose the hard way.  She is stubborn, tough, strong, and simply wonderful!

"I got my foot ~ I walk on my feet!!"

Isabelle has not only discovered her legs but loves to use them.  That's right - We have a walker!!  Iz has finally decided she would prefer to walk rather than crawl.  It is so bizarre!  Here is this little baby walking around and she's ours.  Our hearts burst with pride as she confidently took her first steps and then leaped into our arms. 

Isabelle also loves to clap (finally), blow kisses and most recently give the touchdown signal.  Iz also loves to eat - mixed veggies and pears are her favorites.  She is also exploring people food and enjoys making a mess.  Gus loves this too!

I bet I can make you smile  : )

15 MONTH STATS:

Weight = 18 pounds, 7 ounces

Height = 28 inches

Head Circumference = 43.0 cm

Clothing/Pajamas = 9 months

Diapers = Pampers Swaddlers Size 3 daytime, Size 4 overnight

Animal = Giraffe (Geoffrey)

Color = Purple

Zoe Elizabeth

Stretching!!

Zoe has such a wonderful heart.  Don't get me wrong, she can be tough and mischievous, but overall she is just sweet.  Such a fabulous "sharer."  Zoe always wants to please you and hear "good job."

Zoe still bear crawls but she has found her legs and has been standing up in the middle of the room unassisted for awhile now.  As her confidence grows, she takes more liberties and is very close to walking.  We cannot wait for her to start - Yes I said it.  We cannot wait.  Every milestone, even those that make our lives a little more difficult, are fabulous in our eyes.  And let me tell you, Zoe's need to climb is definitely problematic!!

YUMMY!!!  Lasagna!

Zoe absolutely loves to eat!!  Baby food and people food - She will try almost anything.  Her favorite so far has definitely been lasagna - she had two helpings the first time we had it!!  And I just made the stouffers frozen one - imagine if she had Auntie Belle's lasagna or Godmomma Di's!!

Zoe also claps like a champ, blows kisses and talks up a storm.  It is amazing how many words and phrases she says - though she does like to tease Adam and has refused to say "Dada" lately.  

15 MONTH STATS:

Weight = 18 pounds, 8 ounces

Height = 28 inches

Head Circumference = 44.3 cm 

Clothing/Pajamas = 9 months

Diapers = Pampers Swaddlers Size 3 daytime, Size 4 overnight

Animal = Monkey (George)

Color = Orange (sometimes yellow)

Tunnel Time!!
Thank you Aunt Andrea & Uncle Tony

Nannies

We hit the nanny jackpot!  

The girls require two people at all times, meaning we employ 6 nannies with two back ups!!  Yes you read that right!  Our nanny schedule is color coded and given out every month.  

With as many nannies as we have, the girls are socializing wonderfully.  They love the nannies and our nannies love them!!  On Monday mornings the girls squeal when Erika arrives ~ It is wonderful to know that the girls are in such great hands when we cannot be there.  

Thank you Erika, Nicole, Sarah, Ashley, Savanah, Courtney, Nikki and Allison!

Go Bears!!  

The girls love sporting their Chicago Bears gear despite the fact that it's been a rough season!!  

Clockwise from the left:
Cecilia, Zoe
Isabelle, All three

Bears Tutus!!!  Thank you Auntie Amy &
Uncle Bobby!!  The girls are beyond excited for
these and keep pulling on the tutus!!

Thank You!!

We want to thank everyone for your love and support these past fifteen months.  Our girls are growing into fabulous, loving individuals.  If you haven't met our girls yet, know we cannot wait for you to but unfortunately we are going back into hibernation mode for the winter.  Mark your calendars for a large birthday party this summer!!

Zoe Rocking & Iz Playing with her dress

All our Love

Adam, Daneille

Madison, Cecilia, Isabelle, Zoe

& GUS